The intricacies of the side hug

I can do a lot of things - a successful side hug is not one of them.

About five years ago, I evolved from the arms-on-shoulder girl to a bear-hug woman. The sheer joy of giving and receiving so much love in a simple platonic strong-hold is so comforting. But, for the life of me, I cannot master the side-hug. There are a lot of mind-blocks attached to it:

• It seems akin to air-kissing - the half-heartedness of it.
• I never know when which hug is intended.
• Arm pits. Enough said.

Considering that the Side-Hug is the new Hand Shake, I had resigned myself to accept and practice it.

But then, the inevitable mortifying episode happened. I had to meet the partner of my firm - in a hotel - for dinner (All hints for why I thought this was semi-casual). I come in, and he gets up and says in genuine pleasure, "It's so nice to see you!", with arms wide open. Obviously pleased, I go straight on and hug him. 
Turns out, it was meant to be a side hug. For a full 2 seconds, I am awkwardly wrapped around him, and he is trying to bring me to the side.
So, I made a mental note :

1. No hug, until it is initiated.
2. Only side-hugs with bosses.

Things were falling into place, when 2 days back, the same thing happened with a colleague of mine. Giraffe that she is, It was really awkward that I was standing on my toes, going all out, while she is wondering what to do.

Seriously, I give up. New rule - Only Side-hugs. Period. If you come and go all frontal on me, I'll go berserk.

Charting Parenting Expectations

I remember one of my friends once mentioning that she is planning to have kids. 

“Why?”, I asked casually. 

She sounded surprised at the question. “Because I am going to be 30! Everyone my age already is a mother.”

“But that really can’t be the criteria for wanting kids.” 

“You already are a mother. You don’t know the pressure we go through”. 

Hmm. Before I start this post, let’s get a couple of things out of the way: 

1. I am a very happy and content mother. I have a son I adore, and who reciprocates that back. 
2. I have a very happy life. Enough said. 

So, despite being that spoilt, I still warn every wanna-be mothers to think it (it=baby fetish) through. There are very strong reasons for that warning, and I thought of making some charts to explain it (just so, next time I can send a link to this post instead of lecturing the poor souls!): 

Things to look forward to while parenting

• Time Crunch: No time for hobbies, sleep, friends or for exercise.

Average time spent for various activities

• Advice overload: Everyone who has an internet connection (or memory) is going to give you an advice.

Sources of advice

• Finance crunch: There are some additional (unexpectedly expensive) factors to consider.

Sources of Expenditure

• Stress Hike: Every parent, working or otherwise is going to go crazy with guilt, and the sheer number of things to do. 

Stress and Multi-tasking levels

• Songs Crunch: The choices narrow down inadvertently. 

Frequency of songs heard/sung

Of course, there are some major perks as well. Your life gets a direction, and you (finally) get some perspective. Specifically, there are two things I could think of 

• Energy Spike: Coming back home is not about resting, but looking forward to some cricket/football time. 

Average energy levels during the day

• Work-Life Balance: The chaotic work-life balances and OCDs are finally sorted out.

Average Work-Life Balance in a week

Happy parenting (or non-parenting as the case may be)!

Source: Imagination and experience :)

The Train-Thief Operating Model

Hypothetically, if you are considering a career as a train-thief, what model would you use? 
- A simple case of pick-pocketing from the back?
- Use a weapon to scare and/or intimidate? 
- The whole run-and-smash-into-a-bystander-and-steal?

But (and what a huge But it is!) what if you are claustrophobic and can't stand the train crowd?
Well then, there is a new model of stealing, where you don't have to be technically in the train to do your job. 
Take this case for example.

A fishing rod may be a one-off case, but the concept itself is not. Let me elaborate.
A stretch of my train journey is well-known for such weird-thieving attacks. Since this stretch happens to be a few minutes before I have to get down, I inadvertently end up getting a prime viewing spot. So, in a span of around 4-5 months, I have been a bystander in two attacks: 

1. Attack 1: Train starts decelerating with the oncoming of the next stop. Girl standing next to the door and playing a game on phone. One hitherto-unseen guy sitting quietly on top of the train throws a well-aimed rock at her hand. Phone is dropped in shock Guy jumps down, picks it up and runs.
2. Attack 2: Speeding train. Girl standing next to the door listening to music on phone. She idly wonders why a man is standing on a lamp-post right next to the rails. As her bogie approaches the post, his hand shoots out. By the time she realises what has happened, the train has sped by, and she is left phone-less.

These incidents are very interesting, not just because of the method of stealing, but because of the reactions it generates in the train. There are, broadly, four categories:

• Wise Ass: The middle-aged women who give advice on not using the phone while standing next to the train and not to hang at the train door. Some random ones rant on mobile phones being the bane of our existence.
• Angry Ass: These hurl abuses at the thieves, which end up resonating inside the compartment, cracking a few ear-drums. ("M***ch*d!!", "Suar ki Dum", "S**le", "AAAAEEEE").
• Curious Ass: Wondering at the reaction (or lack thereof) in the victim. Take this Overheard conversation between two ladies as an example:

"She was in shock, Bechari"."Yes, losing a phone like this"."What else could she do, cry in public?""She will go home and cry"."I am sure."

• Amused Ass: I think that's just me.

Blogathon Post 14: The Questionable dilemma

 R's Mom had done a series of posts on answers to some "whys" here and here. My son , unlike other kids, does not ask 'Why'. He asks "Where". All the freaking time.
Take this for example:

"So, The Cindrella goes to the birthday party...""Where?""to the birthday party.""Where?""At the prince's house.""Where?""In a castle in Chennai."

 You get the gist right?
So, keeping the essence of RM's posts, answer the following "Where"s to the best of your abilities (no obvious answers please!):

1. "Let's put on socks now". "Where?"
2. "Let's go and fly kites.". "Where"
3. "You know what time it is?". "Where?"
4. "Did you see the moon?" "where?"
5. "So the first pig built his house with straw..." "Where?"
6. "And then Bambi grew up..." "Where?"

Looking forward to the answers already!

Blogathon Post 13: Clients say the darndest things

I love my job - not only because it is intellectually satisfying and lets me practice my introvert-ism, but also, because it provides some really good laughs.
Following are some of the utterance by clients:
"This discussion guide is so good and thorough, that I am sure that you have not done it by yourself."
"You are very pursuasive, aren't you?"
"I felt like you were telling me a story, until you interrupted it with a question".
"Oh you are from India. You guys have a great cricket team."
"Do you have openings in your office?"
"Its Doctor, not Mister."
"You are an Indian? But you speak English so well".

I kid you not - I have not even rephrased any of the above.