Giftrocity!

This is a crib. So, I will totally understand if you want to forego this post.

While cleaning my room a few days back, I came across an offensive piece of item. It was beautifully packed, nicely explained and must have cost a fortune. It was a set of three soaps, made from natural ingredients and was meant to be an "indulgence" according to the elaborate pamphlet that came with it. Hmmm.

I am all for indulgence, and I am definitely all for natural items. But I draw a line at thinking of soaps as decent gifts. That set my mind racing, thinking of other gifts that I have thrown out, without telling the giver of course.
Now, if you are one of those "need to buy something for everyone” types planning a visit to India, I will let you in on a little secret.

1. We don't care about the cost of what you got us. We appreciate the thought that went behind it.
2. We will like you less if you buy potentially offensive gifts.
3. It hurts us to see something silly stuffed into our hands, while thoughts of “Can I pass it on to someone else?”, “Can I put it in dustbin after she leaves?”, ”Will it be toxic for the street dogs?”, ”Can I give her something equally bad?” keeps running through our heads.

Here is a list of all I could think of. Please add or delete depending on your preferences:

1. Soaps - There is a difference between cheap perfumes and expensive soaps. The latter is offensive, boring, unnecessary or unused, depending on the person. For me it is all of that.
2. Diaries/Notebooks - We get notebooks here. We actually get pretty good papers too. It might be unbelievable for the kind of people saying "India does not have a Nike showroom like States!" (Thanks jiju for that tidbit!)
3. Postcards/Showpieces with "we love XXX" written on them (XXX being the name of the country/continent) - by far the most annoying gift ever. Do you all believe we would hang it in our rooms with "that" written over it? What would we get out of such promotional activities really?
4. Wallpapers/Plastic sheets for shelves/Cheap plastic table mats - I have always had the urge to fling these rolls outside. Jeez, wall papers! I was unbelievably happy when one of them was half-consumed by insects, and I had to discard it with a morose look.
5. Any flick-offs from flights or hotels- A pack of cards, bookmarks, and small lotion bottles etc are downright insulting. Passing on free gifts is a pretty low thing to do.

On second thoughts, bad gifts make up for a fairly enjoyable cribbing session! So, may the giftrocities continue.

You've got mail.. and a faulty mail client!

What is more annoying than Microsoft Outlook?
IBM Lotus Notes

What is more annoying than IBM Lotus Notes?
Lotus Notes that take a loong time to load.

What is more annoying than Lotus Notes that takes a long time to load?
Lotus notes that gets hung while archiving old mails (which was unfortunately attempted to reduce loading time)

What is more annoying than Lotus notes that hangs while archiving and also, takes a long time to load?
Lotus Notes that doesn't allow sending of mails due to exceeded mailbox limit.

What is more annoying than Lotus Notes that doesn't allow sending of mails due to exceeded mailbox limit, gets hung wile archiving, and also takes a long time to load?
Lotus Notes that suddenly restricts opening of new or old mails with a weird message of "You are not authorized to perform that operation"

What is more annoying than Lotus Notes that restricts opening or sending of mails, gets hung wile archiving, and also takes a long time to load?
Lotus notes that throws recursive error of CircularDocException, and will not come out of the loop until one finally gives up, closes the application with a ctrl-alt-del.

What is more annoying than Lotus notes that throws recursive error of CircularDocException, restricts opening or sending of mails, gets hung while archiving, and also takes a long time to load?
Calling the maintenance personnel while fretting about the delays in meeting deadlines, waiting for them to fix the problem for 5 hours, and finally, profusely thank them at the good repair work patiently done, only to see the problem recurring the next day.

**Sigh!!**

I pledge that

India is my country.
All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

Err... Except for

• Sisters leaning on me in buses expecting me to carry their abundant weight, and provide the much needed balance.
• Brothers or sisters not wanting to be Indians.
• Brothers or sisters talking against my parents, Aarti, Rishi or Ashwin.

I love my country,

Err... except when:

• bus windows are mistaken for dust-bins, and hands keep darting outside to throw offensive papers and plastics outside.
• horns are used in abundance to show lane-changes, signal-changes, anger, joy or to intimate the breaking of traffic rules.
• traffic constables use anything from no helmets to smiling while driving to collect pocket-money.

and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage.

Err... except when:

• Trans-sexuals are not allowed inside share-autos by most drivers, with a laughing explanation of "they are gay"!
• any fight on the roads are written off as "they must be muslims"
• any high decibel conversation is written off as "they must be Punjabis"
• A dark-colored person is invariably a South-Indian negro.

I shall always strive to be worthy of it.

Especially when:

• The aut-wallahs give tired ladies lift free of cost.
• A person driving at 30-50 kmph stops to check whats wrong with your bike, and helps you start it if it is not working.
• Men call up blue-cross on seeing a hurt dog on the road, and then sit beside the dog to give him company.
• Men or women give up their hard-earned seats to ladies carrying infants, or to old or pregnant women.
• Kids implicitely take off their shirts and donate them to street kids with a smile on their face.

I shall give my parents, teachers and all elders, respect, and treat everyone with courtesy.
To my country and my people, I pledge my devotion.
In their well being and prosperity alone, lies my happiness