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Sunday, December 23, 2012

Shiva's ignorance

This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave' movement in association with BlogAdda.com

Ganesh and Karthik were nowhere to be seen – no doubt attending to the numerous requests they received every day. Parvati had been waiting for this moment for a long time.

“My Lord!” She chimed in her musical lilting voice.

“Yes?” He bellowed.

She cringed, but decided not to back down now. “Shall we go for a spin?” She asked.

“Why?? The Earth seems to be functioning normally. Why destroy it now?”

Parvati gave an exasperated sigh. Why couldn’t he think beyond the destruction of evil? She took a deep breath, curbed her condescending tone, and said “No, I meant the two of us. Let’s go for a ride around Kailash. It has been so long, and we have been so busy. We rarely get to spend time together, and I thought…” She murmured, lowering her lashes.

Shiva was fully aware now. He looked at his beautiful wife and how much she had put up with in the last few years. She was right. They needed to spend some quality time together.

“Let’s take a 3 minute break” Said Shiva gently, “ Nandi, let’s go!”

Shiva and Parvati on Nandi
Source: Wikipedia

On jumped Shiva and Parvati, and Nandi, uncharacteristic of him, maintained a healthy gait. They discussed everything under the sun – from Ganesha’s nose block to Karthik’s pet peacok. After a minute, they were riding on in companionable silence when Nandi stopped abruptly, throwing the two off balance.

“Are you hurt?” Shiva asked Parvati urgently.

She checked herself. She felt a searing pain in her cheek, but apart from that nothing.

“Bring me a mirror.” She said quietly.

Shiva immediately took her to the mansarovar lake, waiting for her to scrutinise her reflection.

Parvati saw the cause of her pain – her cheeks and shoulders were bleeding. She knew the cause of it - Shiva's stubble. She closed her eyes and let anger wash over her. Shiva was getting increasingly nervous.

“Did you see that?” She almost whispered.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to…” He spluttered.

“I will have a scar for days now. What will my devotees think when they see me?” She asked quietly.

Shiva knew and dreaded that tone of her voice. He had to remedy this quickly before they had another silent fight. The last one had lasted for eight years, and he had ended up doing tandav every other day.

“How can I rectify this?” Shiva asked.

Parvati was lost in thought. Then she took out a phial filled with a clear blue liquid and gave it to him. “Give this to Vishnu.”

“What is it?” He was almost afraid to ask.

“0.1% of that liquid mixed with a bit of fire will be now common for all female creations. It will instantly turn then off against any man with a stubble. On the other hand, they will have an uncontrollable attraction towards any clean-shaven man”.

“But isn’t that cheating?” Shiva asked, scratching his chin.

“Not really. I can put up with it since I get only three minutes in a year with you. Lakshmi can put up with it because Vishnu is in his final avatar now. But the rest of the women don’t have to.”

Shiva knew when he was defeated. He immediately asked Nandi to take him to Vishnu.

Nandi looked back at the receding form of Parvati and winked. She winked back.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Of fornications and war declarations

She was pregnant.
But that did not stop the attacks. On the contrary in fact. It had taken all her strength to run and hide from the heartless monsters, but she realised that it was time to move on. With a tearful prayer, she climbed out of the window, and started a long and dangerous trek through uncharted terrains.
She walked through jungles, sewers and tunnels and finally reached a housing development. While most of them looked cheerful and festive, it was the dark unlighted one that she was instantly drawn to. She had gone through enough in one night to realise that darkness was her ally, her friend. She quickly slipped in, and found ample food to keep her happy.
Suddenly, she felt the pain.The capsule dropped, and in a few hours, her children were born - almost 30 of them. As they grew darker in color, she crooned:
"There is enough food for all of us. Do remember to fornicate frequently, for our strength is in numbers."

....which was when I switched on the light in the kitchen. The mother and her children roaches were surprised to see a screaming woman (that would be me) and her enchanted-and-eager-to-analyse son. They ran, while I decided to take  a crash course in armed combat. Now, equipped with a spray and boric acid, it is apparent that a brutal and bloody war is imminent - sans the screaming.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Birthday Bumps

So, my son is going to turn two in 1.5 months and it is already giving me nightmares.Not because we would officially enter the "terrible twos" stage (unofficially, we are very much there), but because there is incredible peer pressure to host a birthday party.
With that, let me enlighten the fortunate souls who are yet to have a child. Every parent, with an increasing percentage of disposable income, are ready to spend most of their savings on the apple(s) of their eyes. Combine that with a creative parent and a realm of opportunities opens up. For example, there was this lady whose four year old son liked "Chota Bheem (CB)" (yes, the cartoon character). So, she hired a decorater, leased a hall, included some lifesize scenaries, characters, games, arranged for a giant themed cake, return gifts and dresses (but of course).
And then, there are moms on the other end of the spectrum - those who think they are above such cliches, and hold creative parties - making their own cupcakes, creative activities for kids at home (like organising a finger painting contest) or outside (like workshop-parties where all the kids are invited to a toy/pottery workshop). The possibilities are endless.
Next year, the parents say the obvious - I dont know how I can outdo "that" party.
The kids say the obvious - I want something better.
Needless to say, the bank balance mutters the obvious too.
And this is where the heart of the issue is. Worse than competing with other moms for a beautiful birthday party is competing with previous party-thrown selves.
We attracted a lot of flake for not hosting a party for our one year old (apart from the traditional homam). And I am sure that we will attract more so for not intending to throw a party this year as well, and for opting for a boring idea of taking him to a zoo or a lake or an adoption drive, because that seems to be very much in tune with our whimsical son's idea of fun, instead of cakes, screaming/fighting kids, non-stop talking ladies (read - me) and hassled elders (also me).
As Ashwin, my partner in crime, put it, "The only reason I can think of giving a party is because everyone else is doing it." And we can safely agree, that's not reason enough.