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Showing posts with label Nosey issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nosey issues. Show all posts

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Cold Wars

“It takes about 1 week to get over a cold if you don't take medicine, but only 7 days to get over a cold if you take medicine.”
 I am sure you have heard that adage. I can actually see you smirking and smiling knowingly thinking about how some idgits take medicines.
Now, give yourself one tight slap. 

So, the common cold does not, apparently, have a cure. There are hundreds of viruses and no one knows which virus does what and how it can be attacked. Yada Yada Yada. That logic took a major extrapolation to that obnoxious phrase above – a phrase that I took so literally for four years, that I ended up with two nose operations, and put my son through a lot of trouble. 

So, I get this feeling that many people want to punch when I smile knowingly like I have been through worse and their nose problems are paltry by comparison, but I am such megalomaniac like that. Moving away from my character issues, if you have a cold, don’t be a loser, and think of a way to cure it. 
Are you averse to allopathic cures? Welcome to the hundreds of thousands of the members of the paranoid family, who think that all medicines- eat-into-the-stomach-walls-and-weaken the body-and-make-the-bones-brittle-and - OMG I CAN'T BREATHE! I am right there with you (Paranoia is my chief characteristic trait, followed closely by, yes, megalomania. *word of the day*). 
But cold, as much as it is common, can actually be tackled in the simplest of ways: 

  1. Do Pranayam: My worst bout of nose-block was during pregnancy, and my yoga instructor told me to do the Pranayam to “channel the energy of the sun through one nostril and moon through the other. The former will ensure that the child is intelligent, and the latter will ensure that he/she is wise”. Now, I have no idea where my son is in the scales of wisdom and intelligence, but way to make one feel guilty for being unable to breathe in either sun or the moon! 
  2. I digress. Do it. Nothing like Pranayam to clear up the depths of your mucked up castle walls (and rooms if your sinuses are into the act as well). Imagine giant cobwebs full of dirt, and infected with fungi, which can be killed only by clean fresh air. 
  3. Clean that nose: No, not by nose picking *rolls eyes*. That’s like cleaning the chowpatty with a tissue paper. Take some saline water and a pump. Pump in the water in each nostril, while holding your breath (or you daredevils can breathe it in – the sting is enough to keep your eyes wide-open for hours). Bend down, and all the water comes out. You wouldn’t think this is much, but this is like spreading a disinfectant in the ruined castle.
  4. Cave in and use some drops: And again, make sure they are saline. If you have to do step 1 and 2, you need to create some space – and saline drops work well (unless you have a more serious issue – go to the doctor you lazy person!). 
  5. Try the Ayurveda route: Now, the recommendation-post is going to take a slight historical detour. 
  6. In all my maternal wisdom-glory, I strongly refused to give my son ANY medication for his cold except the usual hot water, drinks etc. The result? In about a week, he developed a chronic cold, a very bad chest congestion (I could feel the congestion when I kept a hand on his chest – nightmare I say), frequent vomiting out copious amounts of mucous and a lethargy that was painful to watch. Quite by chance, one of my friends suggested ‘Bal Gutti’ – which is, a packet of some 20 actual jadi-bootis, that have to be extracted in limited quantities and mixed and given (it’s an interesting procedure – ping me, and I will share the rest). The jadi-booti required for each problem was different. Fascinated, I got to work (I am sure all our grandmothers did the same – but we are such a screwed up generation). Within two weeks, the son was back in form. 
    But all this happened after around 6 nebulising sessions, and 2 months of strong antibiotics and steroids. 
So, if you have a cold, don’t sit down, close your eyes and say, “sigh, no medicine will cure it”. Or take a painkiller/analgesic and take a nap. Get off your rear and do something, before it becomes worse.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Olfactory Senselessness

It was a surreal experience standing in front of the pearly gates, but I was looking forward to confronting The Highest Authority and asking him few naaku-pudongara (painful) questions. Lord, as is deducible, knew my motives and sent his scribe to meet me. A flustered old man, he reminded me of the rabbit in Alice In Wonderland. I wondered how he could help me.

Scribe: Yes yes, I can.
Me: I want to know why I was treated unfairly by him.
Scribe: But thats blasphemous (covers his mouth)... impossible i mean.
Me: Well he was. I haven't had any olfactory senses since I was 25.
Scribe (with what looks like a suspiciously evil smile): Oh yes, I remember that particular punishment. Oh yes, I do(rubbing his hands now, to my greatest discomfort). Wait, I have your book here with me. Let me think.. It was the day Indra was very angry with you.
Me (shocked): What?! What did I ever do to him?
Scribe: You wouldn't remember would you now?! Ah here we are.. it was decided in court on December 3rd 2009.

I take the millions of pages thick book, and start reading.


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Indra walks in. He looks characteristically impatient and angry.
Indra: I have had it with her!
Lord: Who?
Indra: Batch no 16098987867676766, girl no: 122989
Lord (with a sigh): What has she done now?
Indra: She complains! (as if that would explain it all to the almighty all-seeing lord)
The Lord remains quiet

Indra: I haven't seen anything like it. She likes public transport, and is adament on taking trains and buses. She in fact scoffs at people who don't. Then she complains about sticky bodies pressing against her, and about the sweaty smells she has to bear. She actually crinkles her nose in public!
Lord: Hmm.
Indra: She can't stand cigarrette smell either. She forcefully makes her friends have a chewing gum as soon as they are done smoking, but never considers leaving them alone to enjoy it!
Lord: Oh good good.
Indra: She wears nail polish and takes it off immediately, all the while commenting about the smell of the remover.
Lord (almost sleepy by now): oh hmm?
Indra: She is allergic to the smell of malli-poo*.
That got Lord's attention. No one, I mean no one was allergic to malli poos. Clouds gathered overhead as he deliberated. Finally, the Lord stood up.

Lord: It is indeed shocking and your anxiety is well founded. The girl needs her due punishment. I think I have the perfect solution. Starting today, the girl will have a cold that will last all seasons and all places. No medicine can cure her, and no man can give her respite from that. She will, henceforth, be unable to smell anything good or bad, and will remain in an odourless world.
Indra, satisfied, took a deep bow and exited.

I had tears in my eyes, my respect for the Lord's justice and sound mind renewed manifold.
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I closed the book with a heavy sigh, and started exploring my new heavenly abode, all the while hoping for a hankerchief to magically appear.

This, for all I know, may be the holy truth. I hadn't heard of an "all season cold" until I had it. I hadn't heard of a senseless nose until I got it.

Maybe in the theory of evolution, I was born off soorpanaka**. Maybe all her descendants have ill-formed noses.
Or maybe, I just made Indra mad.

*malli-poo - A kind of a white flower, which most of ladies keep on their hair for adornment, or offer it to Lord.
** Soorpanaka** - Ravan's sister in the epic story of Ramayan, whose nose was cut off by Lakshman.