The Train-Thief Operating Model

Hypothetically, if you are considering a career as a train-thief, what model would you use? 
- A simple case of pick-pocketing from the back?
- Use a weapon to scare and/or intimidate? 
- The whole run-and-smash-into-a-bystander-and-steal?

But (and what a huge But it is!) what if you are claustrophobic and can't stand the train crowd?
Well then, there is a new model of stealing, where you don't have to be technically in the train to do your job. 
Take this case for example.

A fishing rod may be a one-off case, but the concept itself is not. Let me elaborate.
A stretch of my train journey is well-known for such weird-thieving attacks. Since this stretch happens to be a few minutes before I have to get down, I inadvertently end up getting a prime viewing spot. So, in a span of around 4-5 months, I have been a bystander in two attacks: 

1. Attack 1: Train starts decelerating with the oncoming of the next stop. Girl standing next to the door and playing a game on phone. One hitherto-unseen guy sitting quietly on top of the train throws a well-aimed rock at her hand. Phone is dropped in shock Guy jumps down, picks it up and runs.
2. Attack 2: Speeding train. Girl standing next to the door listening to music on phone. She idly wonders why a man is standing on a lamp-post right next to the rails. As her bogie approaches the post, his hand shoots out. By the time she realises what has happened, the train has sped by, and she is left phone-less.

These incidents are very interesting, not just because of the method of stealing, but because of the reactions it generates in the train. There are, broadly, four categories:

• Wise Ass: The middle-aged women who give advice on not using the phone while standing next to the train and not to hang at the train door. Some random ones rant on mobile phones being the bane of our existence.
• Angry Ass: These hurl abuses at the thieves, which end up resonating inside the compartment, cracking a few ear-drums. ("M***ch*d!!", "Suar ki Dum", "S**le", "AAAAEEEE").
• Curious Ass: Wondering at the reaction (or lack thereof) in the victim. Take this Overheard conversation between two ladies as an example:

"She was in shock, Bechari"."Yes, losing a phone like this"."What else could she do, cry in public?""She will go home and cry"."I am sure."

• Amused Ass: I think that's just me.

Blogathon Post 4: The Train Retorts

We get to hear the weirdest things in train, and better yet, say the most shocking things before we can stop ourselves. Here are some common phrases said and heard:

• Bachon ke saath chadte kyun ho? (Why do you board train with kids?)

• Bewakoof ho kya? (Are you dumb?)

• Itna chipakne mei kya mazaa aata hai? (What pleasure do you get out of gluing yourself to me?)

• Sab jaanwar banein to jarrori nahi na ki hum bhi ban jaayein.(If others are behaving like animals, doesn't mean that we behave like one.)

• Baal aage le loh, meri naak mei jaa raha hai. (Keep your hair in front - it's getting in my nose.)

• Arre, upar to pakad lo - mei armrest thodi na hun? (I am not your armrest - hold the links above.)

• Itne aaram se baithe ho, chai laaon kya?? (Sitting so comfortably, shall I bring tea for you??)

• Haath Neeche! (Hands down!)

• Joote utar ke paav seat pe rakho Aunty! (Keep your leg on the seat after removing slippers Aunty.)

• Hato ek minute, khidki se kachara phek deti hun. (Move - I have to throw the garbage out of the window.)

• Thoda sarak ke baithon na. (Sit tight no?)

• Mera teen saal ka beta hai - aap to usse bhi jyada ziddi ho. (You are more stubborn than my three year old son)

• A: Meherbani karo - hame jane do. B: Hum kya picchar (movie) dekhne aaye hai?? (A: I request you to let me go. B: Do you think we are here to see movies??)

In case you were wondering, the ones in green were uttered by yours truly. 

PS: The lack of posts over the weekend shall be compensated. Somehow. I hope! :D

It started in 1853..

1853 was arguably one of the most memorable years in the world history. It was the year when Levi Strauss and  Tissot were founded. It was also the year when the Potato Chips were first prepared. Closer home however, 1853 was important for a wholly different reason - It was the year when the first railway train ran from Bombay to Thane. Crawled would be a better word - the train, Aag Gadi (How apt is that?!) covered 34 kms in 57 minutes.

160 years later, the Mumbai train system has expanded at an extraordinary pace; running 2343 trains  and carrying 6.94 million passengers daily. If the numbers don't add up, kindly feast your eyes on a typical Mumbai local:

Just another day at the station

 While a metro system and a monorail are in progress to diffuse this accident-waiting-to-happen, the love for Mumbai locals can seep into the staunchest of hearts. Even if it does not, prolonged exposure to locals can change you irrevocably - either make you stronger or break you completely. The local also happens to be a very good teacher. Some of the best lessons that can be learned in the process of travelling include: 

1.       Strategic Analysis: I learned my first truly practical strategy generation and application through trains. Train journeys have their own SWOTs with slightly varying definitions:

·        Standing: This involves a lot of planning. The bag has to be taken care of, the sticky hands and faces have to be avoided, the sleeping-lady-on-your-shoulder has to be gently nudged, and most importantly, the ones-who-come-to-fight must be pointedly ignored.

·        Weaning: A gradual weaning from lady-like whims occurs. After few months ( or years), someone's foot on top of your own does not elicit the necessary cry of pain, nor does being crushed to death, or being sandwiched in the middle of four thick skinned ladies.

·        Opportunity: The seating opportunity is a difficult one to grab, especially by the genteel personnel. The steps involved are: Barge in - > Poke everyone asking where they will get down -> Stand right over their head until they get up -> Get into a mini fight to occupy that seat.

Or you can take a loser's way out and stand in a corner like I do.

·       Tension diffusion: The approach of a station can send everyone in a frenzy, even if they aren't getting down. It's palpable. People hold their breath, laugh nervously, get into position and start pushing the ones in front - just to let go of all that pent-up energy.

2.       Need for Speed: The amateurs see a train which has reached the platform about 200 metres away and decide to let it go. The seasoned ones run. They push, scream, shout at the oncoming traffic and plead with the driver to wait for at least one or two more seconds. Invariably there is an Shah Rukh Khan-heart girl inside the compartment, leaning and holding out her hand for you to latch on to.

3.       Ignore or Procure: The most interesting part of the train journey is the shopping opportunity. There are trinkets, books, home supplies, flowers and snacks. Sold at about 1/3^rd of the market price, the wares are tempting, and the journey is an important lesson in controlling one’s wayward desires.

4.      Respect (or Callousness as the case may be): Local trains brings out the true character of a traveller. It hit a particular low when a college girl was periodically kicking a 60+ year old lady sitting down, asking her to move a bit so that she could stand. There are very few (less than 5%) who get up for a pregnant woman/mother and none of them think twice before lashing out at older, tired or diseased women. Fights are started with little incentive and swear words are used in abundance.

Mumbai locals are an enriching experience. There are unwritten rules and counter-intuitive codes of conduct. There is always a temptation to be a little less human and a little more cruel. However, there are people who overcome that by making lasting relationships and singing old melodies at the top of their voices. Conversation flows freely ranging from books, music and recipes to weather, politics and cricket. There are beautiful eunuchs coming in, singing and teasing everyone mercilessly providing the much needed frivolity. There are kids who enjoy the variety of the company and the novelty of the journey ( I can vouch for one at least!). The local trains are that and much more; for they are an exact mirror of the city they run in.