Ideas

I am not exactly weight conscious, but I am definitely shape conscious.. especially when the shape is moving steadily from a

• drumstick to a yam
• an hourglass to a barrel
• coconut tree to a Banyan tree

So well, when I started putting on weight, I spent a lot of my precious time fretting about the unseemly result. After almost a year of just that followed up with short-term GM diets, and ad-hoc yoga exercises..

Lightening finally struck in the form of Abhishek Bachan in a doctor's garb sexily uttering.."just walk when you talk".

What were earlier a joke and a tease, later turned out to be very effective. It started with walking almost two hours everyday while talking to Ashwin. That was followed by climbing six stairs to office while, err, talking to myself.

The end result?

• I don't huff and puff at the end of the sixth floor.
• It gives me a perfect and energising start to a day.
• I felt unexplainably smug and proud to be able to do it.
• I haven't compromised on any of my unhealthy food habits.
• I haven't lost as much weight as I would have wanted.

Eh? Well ya, I haven't, but I have definitely become

• A carrot perhaps, if not a yam
• A cylinder, if not an hourglass,
• Eucalyptus tree if not a coconut tree.

So well, there!
**smug**

Spray Painting!

PHAT!
Man 2: Eww! Don't spit on the road!
Splash!
Man 2: Spitting turns women off by the way.
Sluurrpp - Phat!
Man 2: It grosses them out! Look at her. She has actually turned away in disgust!
Man 1: What should I do then?
Man 2: Follow my lead now.
Man 1: You are eyeing the same girl?
(Chew chew)
Man 1: Careful, its leaking!
(Tip Tip Splash)
Man 1: Trying to keep it in is even worse man! The DAMe is just Not interestED (DAMNED!!

(wiping off)
Man 2: Well, not our fault is it? DAMNED if you do it, DAMNED if you don't.

Of all the habits Indians have, spitting on the road is, by far, the most disgusting and revolting one! While the majority of south Indians prefer decorating the road with flesh colored spit, the North Indians, believe in painting the town red, literally.

This post is inspired by a certain gentleman in bus today, who standing near the bus door, was releasing one rocket after another!
PHAT SPLASH PHAT PHAT PHAT!

Color me Brown!

A new poem after long - feels liberating!

After 9 months, Vishnu heaved a contented sigh,
and finally opened Laxmi's eyes,
"Behold my dear, my latest model in line,
to be released into this world on may 29".

Laxmi took a long look at me and frowned,
"her color is not right my lord.
can you create a skin anew,
with perhaps, basic colors few?"

Vishnu then huffed and began to sulk,
for it seemed, Laxmi didnt like his work.
he immediately called his resources,
and started adding colors in ample doses.

"There you see Laxmi, 5 cups of fire,
is it red enough for your heart's desire?"

"I am happy my Lord but I do wonder,
wont that make her nasty and quick to anger?"

"Rest your mind dear, and help me think,
will 3 cups of air be enough to make this pink?"

"She is pretty indeed my lord, but surely,
air will make her absent-minded and more girly?"

"true honey but now she needs more blue,
2 cups of water ought to give the right hue."

"would you never listen to what you are told?,
this will make her sweat in hot and freeze in cold"

"Alas I can't undo since the skin is already sown,
but will 5 cups of earth give it enough of a brown?"

"finally love, you think right,
for against all the elements this will fight,
for all her weaknesses, she has one true boon,
one single smile to lift her out of her gloom.

So,thats how I was made,
absent-minded and walking in a daze,
quick to anger, despite a cool skin,
and the ability to hide it all behind a grin.

So, in the attempts of Vishnu to please his well-meaning wife, I was made the way I was. But of course, the obvious advantage in this chaotic skin creation was just that - My chaos is only skin-deep.

Note: As Anupama rightly points out, Brahma is our creator and Vishnnu the preserver. So I stand corrected. I was not created by Vishnu, I was sent to him for system upgradation.

Giftrocity!

This is a crib. So, I will totally understand if you want to forego this post.

While cleaning my room a few days back, I came across an offensive piece of item. It was beautifully packed, nicely explained and must have cost a fortune. It was a set of three soaps, made from natural ingredients and was meant to be an "indulgence" according to the elaborate pamphlet that came with it. Hmmm.

I am all for indulgence, and I am definitely all for natural items. But I draw a line at thinking of soaps as decent gifts. That set my mind racing, thinking of other gifts that I have thrown out, without telling the giver of course.
Now, if you are one of those "need to buy something for everyone” types planning a visit to India, I will let you in on a little secret.

1. We don't care about the cost of what you got us. We appreciate the thought that went behind it.
2. We will like you less if you buy potentially offensive gifts.
3. It hurts us to see something silly stuffed into our hands, while thoughts of “Can I pass it on to someone else?”, “Can I put it in dustbin after she leaves?”, ”Will it be toxic for the street dogs?”, ”Can I give her something equally bad?” keeps running through our heads.

Here is a list of all I could think of. Please add or delete depending on your preferences:

1. Soaps - There is a difference between cheap perfumes and expensive soaps. The latter is offensive, boring, unnecessary or unused, depending on the person. For me it is all of that.
2. Diaries/Notebooks - We get notebooks here. We actually get pretty good papers too. It might be unbelievable for the kind of people saying "India does not have a Nike showroom like States!" (Thanks jiju for that tidbit!)
3. Postcards/Showpieces with "we love XXX" written on them (XXX being the name of the country/continent) - by far the most annoying gift ever. Do you all believe we would hang it in our rooms with "that" written over it? What would we get out of such promotional activities really?
4. Wallpapers/Plastic sheets for shelves/Cheap plastic table mats - I have always had the urge to fling these rolls outside. Jeez, wall papers! I was unbelievably happy when one of them was half-consumed by insects, and I had to discard it with a morose look.
5. Any flick-offs from flights or hotels- A pack of cards, bookmarks, and small lotion bottles etc are downright insulting. Passing on free gifts is a pretty low thing to do.

On second thoughts, bad gifts make up for a fairly enjoyable cribbing session! So, may the giftrocities continue.

You've got mail.. and a faulty mail client!

What is more annoying than Microsoft Outlook?
IBM Lotus Notes

What is more annoying than IBM Lotus Notes?
Lotus Notes that take a loong time to load.

What is more annoying than Lotus Notes that takes a long time to load?
Lotus notes that gets hung while archiving old mails (which was unfortunately attempted to reduce loading time)

What is more annoying than Lotus notes that hangs while archiving and also, takes a long time to load?
Lotus Notes that doesn't allow sending of mails due to exceeded mailbox limit.

What is more annoying than Lotus Notes that doesn't allow sending of mails due to exceeded mailbox limit, gets hung wile archiving, and also takes a long time to load?
Lotus Notes that suddenly restricts opening of new or old mails with a weird message of "You are not authorized to perform that operation"

What is more annoying than Lotus Notes that restricts opening or sending of mails, gets hung wile archiving, and also takes a long time to load?
Lotus notes that throws recursive error of CircularDocException, and will not come out of the loop until one finally gives up, closes the application with a ctrl-alt-del.

What is more annoying than Lotus notes that throws recursive error of CircularDocException, restricts opening or sending of mails, gets hung while archiving, and also takes a long time to load?
Calling the maintenance personnel while fretting about the delays in meeting deadlines, waiting for them to fix the problem for 5 hours, and finally, profusely thank them at the good repair work patiently done, only to see the problem recurring the next day.

**Sigh!!**