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Monday, April 22, 2013

The Real Parent

The WTF quote of the day which prompted this post
A “selfless parent” is a myth. They exist only in public – where there is sweet talking, blogging and overt praising. See them in action 24X7, you’ll be surprised. There may be a lot more fighting, strong words, whining, crying, breakdowns and/or hitting than you would have imagined.

This does not mean that they are hypocritical. A parent faces too much pressure – from the society which is judging their every single move (you lose your cool once in public and you get the tag), from the spouse who takes minimal, equal or greater load than you do, the internet with its gyan on what is right and what is not, and more importantly, from the child, who keeps looking at him/her with adoring and trusting eyes (and pulls all your heart strings in the process). Add the professional and/or house work-load into the equation and it’s a brimming pot full of emotions. Parents have their own way of dealing with it – they either become mule-headed in their beliefs or putty to other people’s opinions. Whichever path they take and however much they try, they also end up being judgemental and hypocritical.

Unfortunately, they forget to be selfish (Yes, I think it is a good trait, and a difficult one to master). It is easy to forget everything and make your world revolve around one tiny tot. It is easy to forget one’s hobbies, health and friends to do so. But slowly and steadily, these things are missed. Tempers run short and self-pity attacks in full force. Emotional blackmails are uttered inadvertently (“I sacrificed EVERYTHING” for you). From being the source of dependency for the child, one becomes dependent on them.

Since being a mother brings out all the advise-giving hormones to forefront, let me add my bit here – if you are a parent, make an effort and be selfish. Selfish makes you happy, and that’s what makes a real parent. A child wants a content parent, not a selfless one.


Anonymous said...

i agree ... especially the need to be, I mean the need to NOT be in a situation where you have to say or the kid has to listen to,
"i sacrificed everything for you" ... but pattaasu maadhiri irikku :-) Wonder how get time to post blog amidst your work, veedu shifting and what not! multitasking seems to be your forte SIL!

aarthi said...


Archana said...

Thank you! :)

Archana Mukundhan said...

Hi Archana, nice post..... Long time..

I agree with this being a selfish parent also point. Child wants a content parent and not selfless one is absolutely true. You as a person should be happy to attend to the needs of family/kid. If that is missed out, going in to the self pity mode eventually is very much practical.

Also parents wanting to go out for a eat out or outing to get some together private time leaving the child at safe hands is not a point to feel guilty about.

Archana said...

Hey Archana - Thanks! Long time indeed !!!